Erik Kramer Put a Bullet Through His Head. This Is What Happened Next…

The Erik Kramer story should be a tragedy. 

Former NFL quarterback is gripped by depression. He packs a pistol, checks into a hotel room, lies down on the bed and then the calm Southern California night is pierced by a gunshot.

He literally puts a bullet through his brain.

But the story does not end there.

It begins.

So come on, let it go

Just let it be

Why don’t you be you, and I’ll be me?

Everything that’s broke

Leave it to the breeze

Why don’t you be you, and I’ll be me?

And I’ll be me

“Let It Go,” a song by James Bay from the album Chaos and the Calm, has been therapeutic for Kramer. It’s good for him to listen to on days like June 24.

As cemeteries go, Pierce Brothers Valley Oaks-Griffin Memorial Park in Westlake Village, about 37 miles north of Los Angeles, is a pleasant place to be. Beautiful trees. Foothills in the distance. Pastoral feel.

Kramer spent the morning of June 24 there, in the aptly named Garden of Tranquility section. He and his girlfriend, Cortney Baird, brought balloons and planted sunflowers. They could hear water running from a nearby stream.

It would have been Kramer’s son Griffen’s 22nd birthday. If he had lived. Griffen took a fatal dose of heroin five years ago.

Marking this occasion in front of a grave always is sad, but this time there were a few smiles and some happy memories. It didn’t seem quite as heart-wrenching as it had been in past years.

There is a peace and calm and optimism about Kramer these days that never has been there before.

A 9mm bullet ripped through his chin, his tongue and his palate, then shot up through his sinuses and frontal lobe and out of his head. But he didn’t just survive it. He became less imperfect because of it.

“He is less easily disrupted,” Baird said. “He is so much more accepting of people the way they are. He has an authentic appreciation for every experience and interaction. He has acquired some coping skills and honesty and vulnerability that have allowed him to manage his challenges better.

“He has come really far in terms of realizing how important forgiving is and being forgiven and healing. He understands holding onto things takes a toll in one form or another. He wants to live and realizes some things don’t matter no matter how painful they are.”

Kramer can see it in the mirror. He describes himself as more placid about his desires and more easy-going.

Since the moment Kramer attempted to take his life last August 18, depression left him. “There hasn’t been one second of one day when I felt bad emotionally,” he said.

He can’t feel guilty about what he did because his focus is on his tomorrows. “Guilt has no place in a life that’s moving forward and is going to keep requiring you to make choices every day,” he said. “It just keeps you further entrenched in your malaise.”

From where he stands now, he acknowledges that trying to kill himself was not right. But he is not particularly regretful about it.

“I feel it was all part of the story of me,” he said. “We all get to where we get in life through the failures and the successes. All of it plays a role in being who I am today.”

It is faith that flushed the guilt and regret away, he will tell you. His faith had waned during his depression, but in the second act of Erik Kramer, God has become a consistent presence again.

He believes there is a purpose for his life.

The ocean’s wide, my boat is small, but God, who watches over all, will bless me with a gentle breeze through the seas.

It was a special day in March the first time Kramer was able to drive his black Audi A6 again. He buckled up, turned the engine on and looked down at the console and saw the prayer card, bent slightly, with that simple verse about the ocean and a picture of a boat. The card had been there a long time, along with a small photo of Griffen. It meant more than ever now.

Operating a car takes mental acuity, as well as motor skills. A driver has to be comfortable with distractions and making quick decisions. Getting behind the wheel was a milestone for Kramer.

At the time, Kramer was at Nevada Community Enrichment Program receiving outpatient therapy—relearning to use his mind and body and trying to understand what he was feeling.

About five months earlier, when he was at the Center for Neuro Skills in Encino, California, Kramer was telling a psychologist about how his father and his son Dillon had come to see him, and he went into detail about their conversations. The psychologist let him talk, but she knew it never happened.

When Kramer realized his memory had deceived him, he knew he had to start focusing more and making sure his recollection was on point. His therapy began to focus more on accurate memory.

Now, Kramer’s recall is much better. He still is not fully recovered and has some short-term memory loss. Cognitive therapy is ongoing, and chances are good that he will continue to progress for at least another six months or so.

To look across the table at Kramer over a cup of coffee, a country omelet, a bagel and a bowl of cottage cheese, you’d never suspect what he has been through. His blue-gray eyes are as engaging as they were when he was in the prime of his NFL career.

He came out of his ordeal remarkably unscathed. His sense of taste and sense of smell are normal. He is energetic enough to work out nearly every morning and hit the golf course often. Concentration and conversation are not problematic.

“I’m a little surprised I have no significant deficiencies,” he said. “My outcome could have been far worse, far worse.”

He has a small scar under his chin that only a short person could see. He has a bit of a speech impediment, barely noticeable. It may be the result of the surgery to sew his tongue back together.

Kramer was in a medically induced coma for a month-and-a-half. How many surgeries he had, he isn’t sure. It really doesn’t matter now.

After “the incident,” as he calls it, Kramer had a quarter of his skull sawed off, over his left forehead, to repair damage. During the surgery, he experienced significant swelling to the point doctors had to stop the procedure. After the swelling subsided in subsequent days, the operation was completed.

A couple of months later, Kramer met with the surgeons to discuss having a cranioplasty to fill the void. When he was …

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