Premier League Hangover: Wenger Woe as Pressure Mounts Already

“You always get a special kick on opening day, no matter how many you go through. You look forward to it like a birthday party when you’re a kid. You think something wonderful is going to happen.”

The speaker of that quote, baseball great Joe DiMaggio, isn’t likely to have been an Arsenal supporter. The Gunners have won an opening Premier League fixture once in the past seven seasons, against Crystal Palace in 2014.

Just 56 minutes into Sunday’s party, large swathes of people inside the Emirates Stadium knew nothing wonderful was going to happen. Even the kids felt old. Arsenal’s special kick was to the nether regions. This was the kind of party at which the clown turns out to be a drunk and makes inappropriate remarks about the birthday boy’s mother.

Being booed by your own supporters on the opening day of a football season is akin to being told you’ll never become an astronaut because you don’t own a rocket and you’re too fat for the suit in any case. Statistically it’s probably a fair assumption to make, but it’s hard to hear from your own parents.

For the party host, a swift drink is administered at the end of the evening and a pact agreed never to speak of the mortifying event again. For everyone else, including the invited guests—in this case, Liverpool and their travelling contingent—this type of uproariously out-of-control shindig always tends to be a glorious affair.

After Saturday’s top-flight fare conjured an average of just two goals per game from seven matches, from a neutral perspective, it was a relief to see the ghost of Euro 2016 exorcised in the capital. Neither Arsenal nor Liverpool showed any inclination or capacity for defending. A 4-3 victory for Jurgen Klopp’s men in some respect held a mirror up to his own side—but even more so to Arsene Wenger’s.

Every time-honored Arsenal failing was illuminated in great big neon flashing lights. Gilt-edged opportunities missed to cement control of a match: check. Defensive frailties exposed: check. Acute spinelessness demonstrated throughout: check. An antiquated transfer policy exposed yet again to the numbed chagrin of the home supporters: check. Those playing Arsenal bingo shouted “House!” at the sight of both Aaron Ramsey (hamstring) and Alex Iwobi (thigh) being forced off with muscle injuries.  

Wenger looked aghast on the touchline as Arsenal went from leading Liverpool, through a strike from Theo Walcott, who also had a penalty saved at 0-0, to being 4-1 down in the space of 18 melancholic minutes either side of half-time.

Philippe Coutinho’s equaliser just before the interval was as perfect a free-kick as will be executed all season. Arsenal never recovered. Whatever Klopp did at the break worked wonders. Liverpool will have to hope kryptonite doesn’t show up in urine samples like slimming pills do. 

Wenger was so deflated in his post-match interview with Sky Sports that the club’s coach driver offered to administer a foot pump to the Frenchman off camera. It was hard to reconcile losing the first game of the season to a demeanor quite so downbeat. He wore the haunted looked of a manager on a winless run of nine. A combination of Liverpool and his own supporters appeared to have broken the eternal optimist after just 90 minutes.

A late rally saw Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Calum Chambers reduce the deficit, quelling the rancour of Arsenal supporters to a level assistant manager Steve Bould may just be able to turn to Wenger in a couple of days and say, “I really don’t think it was as bad as you think it was, boss. I certainly didn’t hear anything.”

Perhaps even without either laughing or sobbing gently.

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