What the New York Knicks’ Dream Offseason Looks Like

What follows is the New York Knicks’ offseason dream sequence. My dream, unfortunately, not necessarily Jeff Hornacek’s or the Knicks executives’. Here’s hoping the subliminal messages played into their homes while they’re sleeping will work…

Jeff Hornacek lays himself down to sleep in his charming new house on City Island after a lovely housewarming party thrown by the Knicks, who’ve dubbed him their new head coach (unofficially, per Howard Beck).

Phil Jackson gave the best housewarming gift of all. ‘Jeff,’ he said, ‘I know I still owe you for the ’97 and ’98 NBA Championships, so to pay you back, I’m gonna let you run that up-tempo offense you like so much. Heck, this team should have been running faster for two years already. You need some new free agents to make it work? Say the word.’

Michael Jordan came to the party too, even though nobody had invited him. ‘Horny,’ he said, ‘since those things in ’97 and ’98 were partly my fault, I’ll throw in a present too. You tell Kristaps Porzingis: next time he nails a buzzer beater for a win against the Charlotte Hornets, I’ll will make sure the refs say he got it off in time.’

Porzingis couldn’t make it to the party, because he was in Europe watching the dominant play of his pal Guillermo “Willy” Hernangomez—a Knicks 2015 draft-and-stash. However, when the pair of them FaceTimed the party, Hornacek delivered MJ’s message to KP. He carefully avoided discussing rumors that Hernangomez would join the Knicks squad in 2016-17, because those talks are officially unlawful for several weeks.

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Later that night, however, as Hornacek fluffs his pillow, he can’t help but think of Willy Hernangomez and the rest of the team he’ll be coaching. Maybe he can turn the rookie into the second- or third-string big man the Knicks really need to crash the glass when Robin Lopez and Porzingis take breaks. Kevin Seraphin didn’t get the job done on the boards last season, and he’s now a free agent. Time to let him walk. 

It’s also time to let the malcontented Arron Afflalo go in free agency. Hornacek can certainly understand what it’s like to feel …

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