Premier League Hangover: Extraordinary End to the Most Extraordinary of Seasons

So much for a quiet weekend. A season of extraordinary seismic shifts deserved a remarkable send-off; no one could have anticipated just quite how remarkable it would prove to be.

It wasn’t Michael Thomas remarkable in 1989, or Sergio Aguero remarkable in 2012. It was eerily remarkable. The sight of two of Old Trafford’s four stands completely empty at 2.50 p.m., just 10 minutes from kick-off, was quietly frightening.

Around 20,000 supporters had been evacuated from the old Stretford End, as well as the adjacent Sir Alex Ferguson Stand, to forge a mass of red on concourses outside the ground. Those still inside turned to their phones to seek further clarity on what was going on.

Basically the whole of Old Trafford stood on the forecourt. This is insane. pic.twitter.com/VOxUDKmbqj

— Full Time DEVILS (@FullTimeDEVILS) May 15, 2016

At 3.15 p.m., the game was abandoned as the club confirmed police were investigating a suspect package in the north-west quadrant at Old Trafford.

Later in the day a controlled explosion took place as Greater Manchester Police confirmed, via the Telegraph’s Luke Brown and James Ducker, that the package—thought to be a mobile phone device attached to gas pipes in the men’s toilets in the northwest corner of the stadium—was in fact an “incredibly lifelike explosive device.”

Given how the story eventually panned out, it would have been more fitting had it been a black bowling ball with “BOMB” written across it in white.

That Old Trafford training exercise was pretty full on. pic.twitter.com/jK012vqCa0

— Ken Shabby (@MrKenShabby) May 15, 2016

When it came to light what had actually happened, it was a tale that would have been rejected on the grounds of being too far-fetched had it been pitched in a sitcom’s writers room.

Try to imagine the Guardian’s Helen Pidd’s description of Sunday’s events as a television listing for a Dad’s Army episode, and then attempt not to roll your eyes: “A fake bomb planted by a security company as part of a training exercise at Old Trafford caused the cancellation of Manchester United’s final Premier League game of the season when the firm forgot to take it away.”

By all accounts, the professionalism of the police and stewards, along with the calmness and cooperation of the supporters during the evacuation, was impeccable. On the flip side, it’s safe to say several members of staff at both Manchester United and the forgetful “security” firm will have been burning the midnight oil updating their CVs on Sunday evening. It seems remarkable no one at the club, seven hours into the ordeal, thought to say: “Remember those bomb guys we had in the other day planting fake devices all around the ground, you don’t suppose it could be something to do with them?” “Nah, those blokes were just particularly butch dog show handlers. Don’t you remember laughing at those sniffy dogs that must have had colds?”

#MUFC and @afcbournemouth fans will receive a refund for Sunday and free entry to Tuesday’s rearranged match. More: https://t.co/DKh878gWzF

— Manchester United (@ManUtd) May 15, 2016

Text message exchanges between members of the “security” team must be gold. 

You got the TV on Dave? Ring me ASAP.

DON’T PANIC, I CAN FIX IT!

Please don’t tell me…

I got caught short when getting that last one down from the bog. I was sat on the throne reading a programme someone had left when the gaffer was shouting about the van setting off. Didn’t even have time to wipe…LOL

It seems funny now, in a disconcerting kind of way, yet to watch it play out live, and see the fallout on social media, it was as though the abandonment was due to someone letting off a stink bomb.

I may be wrong here but I’m not quite sure the enormity of what’s happened at OT is registering. Lots still tweeting about meaningless games

— Gary Neville (@GNev2) May 15, 2016

Oh how we joked of nothing happening in a first half at Old Trafford yet again; such hilarity was had as we outdid one another with gags about how suspected attacks were likely to come to nothing under Louis van Gaal.

Without wishing to be overly pious, given the threat level to the UK from international terrorism remains at severe (meaning an attack is highly likely), banter about suspect packages, controlled explosions, and “operation red code” seemed a little misplaced.

I suspect it wasn’t all that amusing in Manchester.

 

Meanwhile, over in Swansea…

It had been expected the final day would meander to its conclusion, with the remaining issues still to be resolved reduced to mere vestiges in comparison to all that had preceded.

Even the most enthusiastic of television presenters were struggling to get into obligatory shouty-mode over Manchester’s Battle Royale for fourth place and the final UEFA Champions League spot. Few thought Manchester City would do anything but swallow the point they needed while trying to stifle a yawn at Swansea City.

And in truth, if you take the drama from Old Trafford out of …

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