Crowd-Sourced Christmas Presents for Manchester United Stars

After asking Manchester United fans for their favourite Red Devil-related Christmas memories, and casting the United squad in a traditional children’s Nativity Play, we complete our festive triumvirate with some crowdsourced gift selections for United stars past and present.

We asked and you delivered, like virtual Santa Clauses dolling out presents with abandon. Of course, no one is footing the bill here, which is good news in a number of cases.

There were, of course, plenty of suggestions that Antonio Valencia should be given a left foot, but we have tried to stick with gifts that could technically exist.

We start with an apology to the many people who suggested that Marcos Rojo could do with a new toaster, but James Dixon’s suggestion of a toast cookery book wins out.

After all, we have no evidence that he does not possess toast-making technology, we just know he is not very good at using it. Also, Dixon warrants special congratulations for his magnificent use of #BreadWinner. 

@UtdRantcast I would get the following book for Rojo #BreadWinner #ToastMaker #UnitedPresents pic.twitter.com/7Nfy7j8KCE

— James Dixon (@JDixon_SD) December 23, 2016

Improving the lives of United’s players was clearly on the agenda for our contributors. Here we see that even players who might be on the verge of moving away—as Jose Mourinho suggested Morgan Schneiderlin could be in his pre-Sunderland press conference—get a thoughtful gift. 

As always, the impact of noisy presents on those around the recipients should be considered, so perhaps Memphis Depay should be consulted in case Schneiderlin starts playing the tambourine on United’s bench.

@UtdRantcast I would buy Morgan Schneiderlin a tambourine because he isn’t too busy and it may force him to do a tiny smile

— A Tribble (@gavalert) December 23, 2016

Bringing happiness to a former United midfielder is on Edward Rose’s mind. Roy Keane’s softer side always emerges when dealing with four-legged friends. Imagine the look on his face as he gets a brand new puppy. He would have no problem committing to the notion that a dog is for life, not just for Christmas. It would be the fittest dog in the land.

@UtdRantcast I’d get Keane a puppy. He is only truly happy when walking dogs.

— Edward Rose (@eddyrose13) December 23, 2016

Now, much like buying a child a toy that you really want as an excuse to bring into your house at Christmas, some of our respondents were keen to involve themselves in proceedings.

@UtdRantcast I would present Rooney a bottle of champagne and make him drink with me… coz I wanna be a crime partner with Wazza!