PL Hangover: Manchester United Unlucky Not Phenomenal; Arsenal Simply Wretched

As Jose Mourinho was at pains to point out—three times, just in case anyone at the back missed it the first two times—Manchester United’s draw against Arsenal on Saturday felt like a defeat.

Conversely for a man who since arriving in Manchester for his dream job has worn a mood greyer than a Lowry skyline, it was delivered in a tone light enough to suggest he was as happy with his side’s performance as he was disappointed about the result. 

As he departed his post-match press conference stage left, there was a sense mischievous Mourinho may finally be breaking free from the cocoon of miserableness he has been encased in thus far on his northern sojourn.

A drunk uncle at a wedding convinced he’s got a good joke no one is listening to, he quipped, per Football365: “So finally I lost against Arsene. Finally I lost against Arsene. Finally I lost against Arsene.”

While Mourinho may have sounded like someone summoning a ghost in the film Beetlejuice, it is the Manchester United manager who continues to haunt his Arsenal counterpart Arsene Wenger.

Olivier Giroud scoring the first goal a Wenger side has managed against a Mourinho team since 2007—the first an Arsenal substitute has ever scored at Old Trafford in the Premier League—far from exorcises the fact Saturday’s result extends the Frenchman’s sequence of failing to beat his nemesis to 14 competitive matches and counting.

A pair of handshakes between Mourinho and Wenger pre- and post-match was so cursory an action replay was required to ascertain whether any physical contact had actually taken place. 

The highlight of the whole afternoon arrived at full-time when it looked as though the two managers would have to share a long walk down the touchline together. The Frenchman ducking to the side while pretending to mess with his zip, like making an imaginary phone call when confronted with a charity worker on the street, was a work of no little genius.

WATCH: Jose Mourinho can’t hide his disappointment at being forced to settle for a point. SS1 next for reaction. https://t.co/tIOIavduJY

— Sky Football ⚽️ (@SkyFootball) November 19, 2016

In an earlier interview with Sky Sports immediately after the game, Mourinho had hailed his side’s performance as “phenomenal” while declaring Manchester United to be the “unluckiest team in the league.”

While phenomenal may be overstretching it a little, they certainly deserved more than a 1-1 draw. It all means United have now drawn three consecutive home games in the Premier League for the first time since 1992.

Even the briefest of looks at the numbers suggests Mourinho may have a point on the luck front. In United’s last three league games at Old Trafford against Stoke City (1-1), Burnley (0-0) and Arsenal (1-1), they have had 74 shots to their opponents’ 14. Arsenal have averaged 14 shots per game this season but managed only five on Saturday.

As Mourinho lamented, if United had got the wins it would be hard to dispute they didn’t deserve, being six points better off would put them in the UEFA Champions League places. On the flip side, to use a crude but nonetheless pertinent proverb, if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.

WATCH: Jose Mourinho insists Man United are the unluckiest team in the Premier League: https://t.co/DITiwRaUPk https://t.co/KUiKNgqThW

— Sky Football ⚽️ (@SkyFootball) November 19, 2016

On Saturday, United were superior to Arsenal in every department. Mourinho’s side are starting to move the ball so much quicker, with a leggy Arsenal made to look less than ordinary for the majority of the game. Alexis Sanchez appeared to be so jet-lagged it wouldn’t have been a surprise had he reappeared for the second half wearing sunglasses and clutching a pillow.

The legendary adman Paul Arden says in his business the key to getting a client to buy into one of his ideas is to show them what they asked for first, and once they are relaxed and feeling magnanimous, then hit them with what they really need even if they don’t know it yet.

Saturday felt a bit like that in terms of Mourinho’s selection.

If United had allowed the home crowd to pick the team via an X-Factor style format, the front six that started would have caused little dissension in the stands. Except perhaps for Louis Walsh, who’d be leading the Stretford End in a “Vote for Shrek” chant having painted his last remaining act Wayne Rooney green for his performance.

With Zlatan Ibrahimovic suspended and Rooney in any case unable to get to Old Trafford until the second half due to a prior piano lesson he already had booked, the prospect of Marcus Rashford through the middle, flanked by Juan Mata and Anthony Martial, whetted the appetite.

Rooney, who played well when he came on in the second half and looked sharper than he has for some time, called out the press after the game for writing his obituary too soon. He described the reporting of his drinking session while away on international duty with England, which ended at 5 a.m., as “disgraceful”, per the Sunday Times’ Jonathan Northcroft.

Wayne Rooney = NOT happy 😡 pic.twitter.com/i59X1sBKSA

— Bleacher Report UK (@br_uk) November 19, 2016

On this fighting form, he may well consider taking Mourinho to court for the line the Portuguese used to explain his omission on Saturday, per the Times’ Paul Hirst: “I believed ones like Mata, Martial and Rashford were faster …

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