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PL Hangover: Jose’s Wretched Chelsea Return Shows Depth of Man United Problems
- Updated: October 24, 2016
When Chelsea sacked Jose Mourinho for a second time, such was his desire to leave the club’s training ground incognito, amid media interest so frenzied Sky Sports had a helicopter hovering overhead, it was reported by the Times’ Matt Hughes that he departed Cobham in the boot of an SUV.
It’s a little odd to crave a situation usually only endured by kidnap victims, but one suspects at various points on Sunday afternoon Manchester United manager Mourinho may have hankered after the anonymity provided by the trunk of a car.
There was no such hiding place at Stamford Bridge; the only thing pitch black was Mourinho’s mood. Even for elite tacticians, the touchline provides no sanctuary on days like these. The loneliness of the long distance runner has nothing on a football manager on the end of a 4-0 reverse to a former club.
It’s not how much you have the ball, it’s what you do with it, as Chelsea showed Manchester United on Sunday ⚽️ #CHEMUN pic.twitter.com/UNoiygVMbn
— Bleacher Report UK (@br_uk) October 23, 2016
Chelsea greeted the return of their most successful ever manager, the architect of three of their four Premier League titles, in a lukewarm manner no less tepid than a child’s bath. An embrace with John Terry was friendlier than many expected, with further chats had with Willian, Oscar and Steve Holland. More telling was those that didn’t stop for a quick catch-up. Mourinho insists it didn’t hurt, but it was the equivalent of Norm walking into Cheers and no one shouting “Norm!”
The Portuguese would rather have been a pariah than have to wait until his shambolic Manchester United side was 4-0 down before he heard his name sung by the home faithful—and even then one suspects they were as much taking the piss as demonstrating either respect or pity.
When contemplating a return to Chelsea as Manchester United manager, it’s unlikely even in his most sombre moments would he ever have envisaged a homecoming so bleak, so devoid of spirit, so lacking in nous, so abject, so incoherent, so absent of any of the qualities that have made him a serial winner throughout his career.
His worst ever loss as a Premier League manager, at a ground where he once oversaw 77 consecutive league games without defeat before succumbing to Liverpool, was just about as bad as it gets. It represented United’s heaviest defeat at Stamford Bridge in 17 years, while they are five points worse off this season than they were at the same stage last. His predecessor will have spent the entirety of the second half marching around his living room shouting “Louis van Gaal’s army!” on a loop while waiting for “Ed Money” to flash up on his phone.
Had United’s players demonstrated even a slither of the defiance on show in the away end—an expression of loyalty that compelled Chelsea’s ever-demonstrative manager Antonio Conte to call for his own supporters to raise their game even at 4-0—there’s an outside chance Pedro’s 29-second opener could have proved surmountable.
WATCH: Conte geeing up the crowd.SS1 for reaction now.BLOG: https://t.co/JpF85182hP https://t.co/qoaAg5IXDF
— Sky Sports 📺 (@SkySports) October 23, 2016
They didn’t, it got worse. Much worse.
Not a single United player had touched the ball by the time Zlatan Ibrahimovic was kicking-off again, with Chelsea in the lead courtesy of the fastest goal scored in the Premier league this season. When the ball was worked to Marcos Alonso on the halfway line, his long ball forward was as much a punt as it was precise. United’s back four, demonstrating the type of “palpable discord” that got Mourinho the sack at Chelsea, made it look as though it had left the boot of Xavi.
Rather than deal with it, Chris Smalling instead frantically waved his arms as though thrown into the sea with his legs tied together, before Daley Blind lived up to his name as he failed to spot Pedro peeling off him to nick possession. David De Gea, so commanding in keeping a clean sheet at Liverpool, careered off his line only to be left in no man’s land as Pedro rounded him to slot into the empty goal.
Smalling hasn’t shown a lapse in judgement like this since the time he pitched up at a fancy dress party as a suicide bomber.
Referee Martin Atkinson booked the Spaniard for an overexcited celebration. Not that he’s boring, but he almost certainly puts his plugs in buckets of sand before going to bed.
Later in the first half, he would award the same punishment for a high David Luiz challenge on Marouane Fellaini that was so obviously a red card the Brazilian was practically stripped to his undies in anticipation of an early bath when Atkinson pulled out a yellow.
4-0 – This is Mourinho’s heaviest PL defeat. Only against Barcelona in 2010 did he lose by a greater margin in all comps (5-0). Blue. pic.twitter.com/wjuhuPjIFH
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) October 23, 2016
Mourinho had said pre-match he would not be “like a crazy kid if we score,” per the Times’ Paul Hirst and Ian Baker. Maybe that’s part of the problem.
Conte had missed the memo. Watching the Italian put in more miles than any of United’s midfielders over the course of 90 minutes, it was hard not to conclude in comparison …
