La Liga Hangover: Welcome to Zidane’s New World, Where Cristiano Now Lives

Grown men instructing other grown men to sit down has become the main event, or so it might seem. Only a handful of hours after Made in Manchester gave us its latest episode on Saturday afternoon, dubbed “Roo Are Ya!” by the Mirror, Made in Madrid served us up its own equivalent. Even if initially there had been less clamour for “Zizou and Ronny,” based on the reaction, the episode might have succeeded as a standalone short film. 

Perhaps that’s not surprising. In a year in which the line between football and reality television has been growing ever blurrier, we’ve been heading this way for a while.

Before a ball had even been kicked in Europe this season, we’d been given #Pogback and Stormzy, Jose and Pep, Jose and Arsene, Jose and Jurgen, Jose and Juan. Throw in Adidas and Mino Raiola and it wouldn’t have been surprising if Amazon Prime had been lurking with the idea for a spin-off. Football delivers like this, even without that white round thing. 

Saturday’s locations were perfect. After the “at-home” affair in England’s north-west, we got the holiday version later on. In Gran Canaria, tailor-made for what’s seemingly attempted to be presented as a travelling drama series, Real Madrid’s encounter with Las Palmas became the nice plate on which the main dish was eventually served, with Zinedine Zidane substituting Cristiano Ronaldo with 20 minutes still to play. Cue the focus on sideways glances.

Thankfully Zidane isn’t bothered. When the Frenchman was appointed in January, the major question didn’t centre on experience or a lack of it, but on whether he’d manage as himself or an extension of club president Florentino Perez. For a while there, the former Galactico wavered in that respect, with mixed signals the early theme. But not now. 

Was Zidane right to sub Cristiano Ronaldo last night?https://t.co/vbe7xmO6Z3 readers say “Siiiiiiiiii”https://t.co/Tu6wvyOOeR#RealMadrid pic.twitter.com/fEn0lD1jEp

— AS English (@English_AS) September 25, 2016

Zidane’s stance has grown clear as his short career has progressed. Prioritising work, balance and a meritocracy, the Madrid boss has gone against the grain at the Santiago Bernabeu.

His sidelining of James Rodriguez has been emblematic of his approach, but it hasn’t stopped there. The expensive Isco and Danilo have seen similar treatment; the more industrious Lucas Vazquez and Casemiro have become go-to men; rotation has become a viable thing rather than a politically murky world. Rafa Benitez is still wondering what he did wrong. 

The answer is that he’s not Zidane. The Frenchman was chosen as a sort of alluring symbol by Perez but has steadily grown to operate as though Perez isn’t even there. Being a global icon helps, but having the cojones to do it his way is another thing again. “The way to have power,” Boss Tweed once said, “is to take it.” Zidane’s subbing of Ronaldo would have got a nod from Boss. 

If only it was viewed in footballing terms. From the instant the substitute’s board went in the air at the Estadio de Gran Canaria on Saturday evening, we were essentially given a fixed “Ronaldo cam.”

His expression was analysed, his interactions with Zidane and his replacement in Vazquez were closely watched, and it became compulsory that every Madrid chance thereafter would be followed by a Ronaldo reaction clip, devilish eyes the wanted shot. Television had successfully made him Spencer Matthews.  

Soon afterwards, Zidane and club director Emilio Butragueno were quizzed on the matter. Portuguese media, according to AS, insisted Ronaldo was “furious” with his manager. AS itself ran a poll, quizzing its readers on whether Zizou was right in what he’d done.

The way it was all fussed over, you could have been excused for thinking Zidane had spent the night drunk-dialling Ronaldo’s mum, rather than taking off a player who hadn’t had a great night. 

Esta es la cara de Cristiano Ronaldo al ser sustituido. …

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