How to Survive Behind the Seahawks O-Line (if Your Name Is Russell Wilson)

On their first play from scrimmage Sunday, the Seahawks lined up in a heavy two-tight end run formation. Thomas Rawls was stuffed for a loss of two. 

On their second play from scrimmage, the Seahawks tried to run again. Justin Britt flopped at a linebacker’s feet. Bradley Sowell whiffed on a second-level block. J’Marcus Webb got beat on the backside of the play. Rawls was stuffed for a loss of nine.

On their third play from scrimmage, the Seahawks attempted a screen. Sowell gave Robert Quinn a free shot at Russell Wilson. Christine Michael gained seven. And the Seahawks punted from deep in their own territory.

Sing along with me:

Five! Block-ing! Sleds!

Four flopping Britts,

Three measly points,

Too many hits.

And if things keep up, Russell Wilson hiding in a pear tree!

The Seahawks offensive line has been slowly deteriorating since the team’s 2013 championship run. It wasn’t spectacular even in the glory days: Left tackle Russell Okung and center Max Unger were great, everyone else stood around and waited for Wilson, Marshawn Lynch and a system laced with options and screens to make them look OK.

Okung, Unger and Lynch are all gone. Wilson has a sprained ankle that has reduced his mobility from “Michael Vick 2004” to “slightly friskier Joe Flacco.” That’s a catastrophic problem, because the Seahawks offensive line currently consists of:

Left tackle Bradley Sowell, a former undrafted free agent, longtime backup and budget-friendly free agent replacement for Okung. Sowell made so many mistakes against the Rams that I lost count at 11. L.A. defensive end Robert Quinn routinely beat him around the edge, causing Sowell himself to slam into Wilson at one point. Sowell got crossed up during blitzes and ended up blocking nobody. Sowell’s pass protection strategy is to take a hyper-exaggerated kick step to the outside to avoid getting beaten. Defenders will begin using that kick step to beat him inside once they grow bored of beating him to the edge anyway. Left guard Mark Glowinski, a second-year fourth-round pick. On Sunday, he got bull-rushed by defensive tackle Dominique Easley and knocked down in front of Wilson’s face by DE Cam Thomas. And as for Aaron Donald, he did too many awful things to Glowinski to list. On one play, Donald took on a Glowinski-Sowell double-team and powered right through them on a stunt to lay a hit on Wilson. Eugene Sims, the unblocked defender who was supposed to provide the pass rush on the play, just stopped and watched with an “I guess they won’t be needing me” posture. Center Justin Britt, aka former heir apparent to Okung Britt, starting right tackle Britt and starting left guard Britt. He could be seen Sunday on the ground at least once per quarter, having either gotten pushed aside (Michael Brockers tossed him away like a bag of marshmallows at one point) or simply slipped in the act of trying to reach a linebacker. Right guard J’Marcus Webb, an almost legendarily bad offensive lineman (ask Bears fans about him). Webb’s specialty is getting pile-driven into the backfield on running plays. Right tackle Garry Gilliam, a converted tight end and offensive line coach Tom Cable’s pet project for two years running. Gilliam gets beaten by speed rushers and by …

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